The primary goal of FreedomWired is to help fast-track your pursuit of lasting Freedom. The intent of this list is to help you speed up the process by opening your mind to new possibilities. Because if we really want to wire our brains for Freedom, it helps to set goals that actually move us toward Freedom. The problem I found on my own journey, was that I didn’t know what I wanted, even though I thought I did. The result was that it took me way longer to find Freedom.
Here is my list of 10 things that might surprise you about Freedom:
- You cannot see the end from the beginning—What I wanted when I began this journey, is very different than what I actually needed to find true lasting Freedom. In fact, the only commonality between what I wanted and the Freedom I now enjoy is that I don’t look at porn.
- Sobriety ≠ Freedom—You might question, what is the difference between not looking at porn and Freedom? You can definitely abstain from pornography without being remotely close to Freedom and vice versa. I have worked with individuals who have gone long periods between setbacks yet experienced very little Freedom. I have also worked with individuals who are much closer to Freedom but have had setbacks. And I would argue that having a healthy perspective shows more progress than a long streak of sober days.
- Freedom demands emotional awareness!—It’s not always obvious, but addictive behaviors are just the result of a chain reaction that always starts with emotions. It is easy to blame our behaviors on circumstances, but the reality is that we always have an emotion in between stimulus and response. Theoretically, we could remove the Emotion Center of the brain and any addictions would be gone, but that’s not really what anyone would call a good solution. It’s a much better idea to learn to manage emotions, but we can’t manage what we aren’t aware of.
- Freedom feels natural!—I spent years in “white-knuckle sobriety” because I was terrified that if I lost focus, I’d have another setback. I was trying to force my brain to always be on high alert, but I’ve learned ways to engage different parts of the brain that help wire your brain for Freedom.
- I don’t know how long it has been since my last setback—I think I’m approaching 10 years, give or take a year or two. But, the point is, I don’t really care how long it has been because that matters a lot less than how you feel.
- Pornography is not the problem—Pornography is not the problem, it is just a really crappy solution to our problems. As human beings, we can drive ourselves crazy trying to find solutions to the wrong problems.
- I now see my journey to Freedom as a gift—Don’t get me wrong… I have not always felt this way, and there were years of suck that I would have given anything (almost including my life) to have an easy and immediate escape from it all.
- Successful setbacks are really a thing—Most of us enter recovery with the aim of never having a setback ever again. Unfortunately, that is not how it usually works for most people. When we have a perspective that focuses on learning from mistakes instead of just avoiding mistakes, we can really begin to learn and see the growth required for lasting Freedom.
- Freedom isn’t a destination—I used to think of addiction as something I could just kick, simply navigate to each checkpoint on a map to find myself at the destination. The reality of the situation is that I had things I had to learn that prevented me from being able to resist the urge to escape to porn. Freedom is the journey.
- You can’t see the end from the beginning—Wait… wasn’t that number 1 on the list? Technically yes, but I think it’s a great illustration of what the journey feels like. What works to help you move toward Freedom right now will likely not take you all the way to Freedom. Our brains are complex, so naturally, our journey will be as well. We might have to adjust tools and techniques as we progress because what was helpful in the beginning may not be as helpful in the end and vice versa.
I hope this gives you an opportunity to make adjustments to your perspective on finding lasting Freedom. After all, challenging old thought processes and searching for new ones is how we become FreedomWired. Let me know your thoughts in the comments below.